Saturday, January 29, 2011

నేను, నా ఈ జీవితం....

నా మరదలు రాసిన కవిత ఆధారంగా రాసిన ఊహా గానం ఇది...
చెత్తలో చిత్తుకాగితాలు ఏరుకునే ఒక చిన్న పిల్ల ఆలోచనలు...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

నేను, నా ఈ జీవితం....
ఎప్పుడు పుట్టానో తెలీదు, ఎవరికి పుట్టానో తెలీదు..
ఎక్కడ పుట్టానో తెలీదు, ఎందుకు పుట్టానో తెలీదు....

నీడనిచ్చే చెట్టే తల్లిలా అనిపిస్తోంది
తోడు నడిచే చీకటే తండ్రిలా లాలిస్తోంది
చమట చుక్కలు స్నేహితుల్లా పలకరిస్తే, గాలి వాన చుట్టాల్లాగా చూసి వెళ్ళిపోతున్నాయి...

వ్యర్ధమైన నా ఈ జీవితం ఈ వ్యర్ధం పోగుచేయడానికే అంకితం అన్నట్టుంది....
దుమ్ముధూళితో నిండి, నిరాశ నిస్పృహలతో కొట్టుమిట్టాడుతోంది...
గత జన్మ శాపమో ఈ జన్మ పాపమో అనిపిస్తోంది...
నేను నా ఈ జీవితం.... చిత్తుకాగితాలతో మొదలై చెత్తకుప్పలోనే అంతమవుతుందేమో....!!

నా చెత్త జీవితంలో నేను జాలిపడే చెత్త పిల్లోడు.... సూరీడు
ప్రతి రోజు సూరీడోస్తాడు వెళ్తాడు... ఎక్కడినుంచి వస్తాడో ఎక్కడికెళ్ళి పోతాడో ...??
నా ఆకలి నిద్ర లాగే... పాపం సూరిడిని కూడా అడిగే వాళ్ళు ఎవరు లేరేమో....
ఒకే కుప్ప నుంచి చెత్తనేరుకునే నాకుమల్లే ప్రతిరోజు ఈ పక్క నుంచి ఆ పక్కకి పోతాడు...
ఆకలేస్తే అక్కడో ఇక్కడో చెత్తలోనే తిండి దొరుకుద్ది నాకు... సూరీడికి తిండెట్టాగో ...
ఎప్పుడైనా ఓ సారి గుడ్డ ముక్క దొరుకుద్ది నాకు... ఎండలో పాపం సూరీడికి నీడెట్టాగో...
నాకు దాహమేస్తే ఏ కోళాయో, దురదలేస్తే ఒళ్ళు రుద్దుకోడానికి కాలవో ఉన్నాయి... పాపం సూరీడికి వానొస్తేనే గదా...
కుక్కలు తరుముకుంటే నేను పరిగెత్తి పారిపోతా... పాపం సూరీడు, మబ్బులు తరుముకున్నా ఏడికీ పోడు...

చెత్తకూడా తెచ్చిపెట్టలేని ఈ సూరీడి గురించి ఆలోచిస్తున్నాను నేను, చెత్తగా...
ఇంకొంచెం చెత్త పోగేస్తే రొట్టెముక్క తిని టీనీళ్ళు తాగచ్చు ఈరోజు...
ఏంటో, నేను, నా ఈ జీవితం.... చిత్తుకాగితాలతో మొదలై చెత్తకుప్పలోనే అంతమవుతుందేమో....!!

Monday, January 10, 2011

My Job……Choice or Destiny….?

There were only two reasons of me being in my previous organization for three long years, the latter half being very painful – ambition and destiny.

I appeared for the off-campus selections of the same organization, six years before, when I couldn't pass one section of the written-test. While I was felling bad that I’ll miss the moments of appearing in front of a panel for interview, along with my friends, I couldn't stand there a moment looking at my friends.
I tried one chance, and asked one of its employees, if I had any chance to give an interview and that I was very confidant of getting through. He said "you've to qualify all rounds of the written test. If fail one section, its not going to help even if you get 98% of others". He was just an employee. What can he do, if its rules were so?
I thanked his response with a half-hearted smile and turned away.

May be, many of my friends were surprised that I dint qualify or that one competitor was gone, everyone were making faces at me. Some were murmuring at my back, and others headed directly to me and asked different questions -
"how can u fail the synonyms/antonyms section, when you could win the essay-writing competitions at college?"
"I can't believe you scored so much in aptitude, while you've failed in English"
"Are you the one who used to teach English to others..? Thank God, I'm not among them...!"
I couldn't even have a pleasant lunch, and retired from the venue after eating half.

I returned to my hostel accommodation and watched a movie. When I called my dad's phone, he assured that its just a stepping-stone and that I should learn from today's mishap.
When I woke up from the sleep that evening, I knew that one day I’m going to work for this company. I’ll be there and I’ll make everyone remember that I was there.

Later I enrolled for post-graduation, and it was the first organization coming for campus interviews, four years before today. It was very easy getting a selection in to it.
Though I had my own choice of work and domain, which I may and may not have a chance to get into, I made my decision to join this organization and attend the training. It wasn’t because the market was down for the domain of my interest, but because I had a strong belief that my employer will stick to the words “Right People, Right Place & Right Time”.

While I believed that I'd be put in the VLSI & Embedded division @ Bangalore, where I was promised to be destined to; I was posted to Hyderabad, and asked to work on telecom software services. Though I had appreciations for my work while I was a trainee in the same firm, I didn't know that inter-personal relations play a significant role than the contribution. Like fate and destiny always play over work, worth and wrath; the company policies, requirements and decisions always override the achievement, aspiration and ambition of the employees. I was told that I should be ready to relocate in case of any urgent requirement.

For a few months I kept cribbing that I wasn’t given the location, domain and work of my preference. I kept attending interviews for all the relevant jobs. When I learnt that I've screwed the second round of an interview given to seventh company, I couldn't hold my tears. మోర్ than the fact that I lost the interview, it was an agonizing pain that my chances to get back to the specialization of post-graduation were fading-off into mirages. Something which I've worked from scratch to comfort, was going waste.

One day while watching National Geographic Channel, I realized that the challenge in nature is not to migrate to a distant land every time you face a problem, but to live there, sustain and evolve with it. I thought the same applies at my work place. The next day was the first when I’ve really put my head into anything happening in my project, after 6 months of joining the same. When I can't get the job of my dream, then I've to excel at what I have. That day I set targets for myself, in this career.

I was lousy till that time, but started learning slowly. Though I was no quick leaner, I was satisfied with my pace, even if my team wasn't. The next two years, I spent doing anything and everything I could, only for marking an impression in my career, though I expected an on site opportunity out of it. Everyone around me knew the fact, that it was my only driving force at work.

Almost three years I spent craving for the moment when I can choose, instead of being chosen. When I learnt that things are not moving anywhere in my previous job, I finally decided to change my job, after six months of self-debating. It took me one month to attend seven interviews and grab five offers out of them.

I was tired of being chosen, and badly wanted to be the one who chooses. It was wicked pleasure when I've declined the first offer, after 3 years of employment. The second offer that I've declined, I was very much like best-match for the role, and they've contacted me numerous times for convincing me into it. But I've already taken my decision to join this company, in a place where I wanted to be, since the last five years, Bangalore.

After two months in this job, the last week, I was laying on the beach, looking at the moon in dark sky, speaking to my roomie and colleague. I told him that I feel like quitting my current job and finding one that suits my interests and capabilities.

He looked directly into my eyes and said "you need not answer me, but be answerable to yourself. Do you have a legitimate answer for you to quit this job? Is it because you are not interested, or is it because you are afraid of it? If it is the first, then I'm with you. Or if it is the latter, then this would be your first step down the ladder. I know that you had many choices when you've joined this organization. If you've chosen it from four others offers, then there is a reason why you did so. You were destined here, and hence you did so. Life is not running away from difficulties, but stand your ground and face the tides. Do not be afraid that this job doesn't allow you any personal time. Instead, try learning how to evolve, creating some personal space in your professional life also, as you've reserved a room for your profession in your personal life. And remember always, that professional pursuits are just temporary and forever stays only your personal life".

I was too impressed with his wisdom. I dint even thank him for his advise.
I think he'd be happy if I take it and put it into action.

My dad recently said, "you'll never get job-satisfaction unless you learn to be satisfied with what you have. My job has turned quite uninteresting since the last five years. I've been in it for over thirty years and I don't have the faintest thought of quitting it. One has to pursue his dreams, while still running on the land. If your dreams are in the skies, better limit them to dreams, and live in reality. Being in a position to choose is good, but wanting to choose because of that position, and leaving the possession is poor discretion".

Only recently I've started learning what life is....!

Men and Women

Every time I hear someone saying "girl is God's best creation", "women rule the world"....I go bonkers.
What the hell!!

I find it quite irresistible to refrain myself from a debate on 'Supremacy of Gender'.
I start the debate, convincing the audience that both genders are supreme in their own way, and proceed to eventually conclude that both are equal as a whole. The beaters drive me crazy with their unsupported and junk statements, that I finally end-up arguing that male are talented than the fair-sex...

Years before, I received an email sent to entire batch by a girl, who is in fact intelligent and a good friend of mine. It portrayed that all boys are dumb not to really care for girls who are genius and great. Though I respect talent, care for girls I know and never derogated any girl, I somehow felt offended and shot the following reply:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Agreed :-)
GENIUS !

"All that glitters is not Gold"
I think man is like Sun, though he is hot, he is hot for a reason.... to keep the family warm and to enlighten the surrounding people...
He stays on his feet and is the same always, no matter whatever happens.....
Even after a thousand decades, he is in the same place and giving out the heat and light with the same intensity....

I feel women are like Earth, who take the warmth of Sun, revolve around him, but still are close to him only some times and move very distant some other time....
They are complex with land and water..... not only with mountains and valleys on the land, but also having deep oceans and shallow waters.....
They think that they give birth to all the life, but ignore the fact that there is no life without the heat and light....
They rotate around themselves and when they are not facing the Sun, they complain that the Sun is stealing faces from them and not caring....
They look at the moon who rotates round them and say that the moonlight is cooling and lovely unlike the sunlight which burns and sweats.....

There is a saying "People tremble when they are not confident of what they say......
If men do want to understand, easy to say, hard to understand....
".
I guess that explains....

There is a saying "opportunity never comes, you've to create it".
I guess the person who quoted it forgot to mention that women are an exemption....
If they ever seem indignant to anything/anyone it means that they are awaiting some response or working on creating an opportunity..... Men don't escape from anything.....
Man thinks and attributes a lovely role to any/every female in his life as mother/sister/wife/daughter/friend; understands and supports them while trying to strengthen their minds and resolve their conflict...... Woman always thinks that a man, no matter who ever it is : father/brother/husband/son, is always dominating......
anything/everything he does is wrong....
anytime/all time he doesn't care for her...

I completely agree with the person who said "if you are missing a girl, you are missing something.... otherwise, you are missing everything else..."
If I ever go to Heaven, I'll plead God to give that wisdom to all men...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, when I read my reply to her email, I feel that I was rather provoked with her's.
While men instantly burp something, when played with their ego, they don't hold any hard feelings. It is only for the moment and later everything is back to normal.
It doesn't take too long for a man to apologize, if he finds that he was wrong or even if both were equally wrong. Women are far more Egoistic compared to men.

So far in my life, I've not seen more than a few women who've apologized with even faintest feeling of guilt or realization, for something they've screwed-up with their thoughtless actions.
There are exceptions for anything and everything, though.
I'm not generalizing. I'm not taking example of a single person or my own experiences.

I'm speaking about science itself, which says that female brain has far slower response than a male. A female brain can work on multiple things at-a-time, though justice is not done to any of them. Where as, a male brain works with one thing at-a-time, with full concentration.

If ever a man's brain is not working straight, it is because his heart is overpowering it.
If ever a woman's brain is working straight, it is because there is a man's brain it is trying to compete with.

No offense meant, dear ladies.... Facts are facts...!!!
:-) :-) :-)

Boss........ Gimme a break!

Following is somthing I blogged an year before.
.....only that I'm publishing it now...
Few of my perceptions have changed.
.....I've evolved a little and I've also become hard.
Few of the people in it have changed.
.....some have tamed themselves and some have become even rigid...

Nevertheless, these are words of my heart, which only a few near and dear could hear, in my actions and frustated looks.........
Many people told me to try learning demarcating professional and personal life.........
Some have advised me to change my work place...my role, my job and if possible my profession.....!
I've switched my job, which was major contributor to my physical and mental headaches... and I'm due in course of learning gymnastics of life-work balance....
Thanks to friends and family, who have endured me in bad moods and disappointing companionship.... without you guys, I'd now be in a mental asylum.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You don’t do anything in that system. You don’t know about that. Some one else will take care.
“Have you any imagination of how the situation on site is?”
You don’t understand the magnitude of the impact, nor do you understand the nature.
“It’s a nice experience to be at the client.”

Come on guys… give me a break!

If you think that I’m not fit for doing something, teach me how to do it. Just because you’ve learnt it the hard-way, should everyone else do the same? Others may, may be out of interest or coz of their zest to learn and experiment new ways or to bang impression.
If a person has none of these factors that can inspire him doing the job, then he would obviously end-up doing nothing. If you can inspire him the way he receives, do that….else you teach him how to do that and what’s its significance in the client’s business and in-turn ours. It’s not just enough to keep bugging that he should do and keep doing more.

Agreed that there are reference-manuals for everything, but there are a hell lot of things which are learnt at run-time. Experiences are rare and not always repetitive. You can’t expect someone to read some documents and gain the same expertise than listening to a person who had hands-on experience on the same work for quite a while.

If you think that I’m not fit for being on site and dealing with the client, then I’m not even fit for sitting off-shore and doing anything that would impact his business. Some convey their interests verbally and some convey the same through their work and actions. When you read the language and are extracting the maximum out of someone, while that person banks on getting something in return; doesn’t this hide-n-seek end one day or the other?

Hiding the facts is as good as baiting. If the fish in a pond realize that the bait has a hidden hook, they will eat only algae and see weeds, and stop getting trapped; there is no way the fisherman can complain on them. Just because the fish are in the pond underneath doesn’t mean that they should always fall for his traits.

On the day when the donkey realizes that it has to carry loads of salt across the stream only to get beaten-up in the evening for tampering the floor with its muddy feet, it will eventually take a bath in the stream and deliver the empty salt-bags. Is it the mistake of the donkey for not being honest or is it the mistake of the master for blaming its untidiness after making it walk the muddy-bank with the load on its back?

.................

Your leave….let me check once again and confirm. Anyway it is only tomorrow!

I really don’t understand till date, how the hell someone can make such a statement. Either your boss is bossing on you, doesn’t want to grant you a leave or just taking an example of a sadist boss he/she possibly ever had. Would the boss be in a position to plan a travel if he/she were in such a position? Possibly not and probably won’t.

If I don’t approve your leave, you’ll have a loss-of-pay.

I was utterly shocked to hear this from one of my bosses. Was it to make me understand that one should always communicate anything and everything to his boss? It sounded to me just that I had a boss and have to obey whatever is his/her instruction, cater to his interests and ask nothing in return.

On yet another situation where-in I was about to travel to home that weekend, I was told “...we’ll have a meeting with your lead and decide whether you can take leave….” by some person who voluntarily declared that I should report to him. I dint try finding out if he was trying to be over-proactive in getting done something over-night or if my boss was trying to indirectly ask me to cancel my leave and stay-back to work over the weekend.

Everyone has a factor that satisfies him. Whether you satisfy that factor, probe him to do something that helps gain satisfaction, or otherwise get him out of the race. When you know very well that a horse is blind and deaf, then there is no point putting it in a race; and later on whipping it for not winning the race.

One time someone coordinating me told “You have been working on this for the last two days, without a way out. I think you should take help someone who knows to code. I’m no expert in coding or otherwise I’d have done it.
Yes my boss….! That’s what I’ve been asking for a long time. If you know very well that I’m leading you nowhere, why ride the same horse? Go and get a new horse, with the same color, fitness and pace you are in search of. Or if you want me to learn it overnight and finish the job, while I’m doing other things as well, then why cant you do the same? When you can give so much of an advice to someone, can’t you think if the same applies to you?

I don’t suppose that a boss ever has the right to ask his subordinates to work over-time or on weekends if he/she promptly asks them to appear in office by 9:00. Also if the boss wishes to get the work done by the End-of-Day, first-of-the-first EOD should be defined. Also the work should be entrusted before a considerable time, as they are also human but not a computer. If the boss expects the work to be done on a fly, then probably the work should be entrusted to the subordinate after three or four years, when the subordinate steps in his own shows.

So far, I've served four bosses directly.... and another four indirectly....
It was never the same, as with the other.
Some were extremely supporting/guiding/helping and others were exactly the opposite.
While some were quantitative not only in the quantiy of work they load, but also appraising the job..... others were so unrewarding for anything that was done...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I read somewhere - "People leave managers not companies".
I do not need to comment on it. Everyone who knew me for the last 4 years, and how I've changed in these years, good or bad, know it very well.

I've worked for an organization for 3 years, with only one thing wishing in return - an opportunity too work on site, with the client. When I finally realized that I was becoming a piece of commedy for everyone around, realizing how well the organization is making use of me, I couldn't stand any longer. Though I knew very well that I was killing the golden-goose to free myself from this prison, I chose to live the life of a happy beggar, than living a troubled king on a stack of golden eggs in a prison.

My only intention penning these words is not to criticize anyone. I know very well that even after proper feedback they do not intend to change. And I do not expect any changes with some words written in a blog, by someone who doesn't matter anything to them.

My only hope is to urge everyone not to be hard and harsh on someone.
Today it is someone. Tomorrow, it can be yourself.