Monday, January 23, 2012

Blogging Holiday

Seldom I hear from friends - "why aren't you posting in your blog".
There are some marking - "do you find posting on Facebook is better than your blog?"

I was a holiday-blogger for almost a couple of years.
I used to do it when ever I found leisure. Sometimes when I dint have anything better to do, and sometimes when I dint want to do anything better.

There are 2 reasons why I'm hitting this place no more.
First is that I hardly find any time for hobbies, with the nature of my job.

Second factor (that really matters) is that now I'm married and which has multiple angles of insight to it.
I'm anyway spending a great deal of sweat and exerting great stress as a side-effect of hiccups for my pursuits.
I cant afford to spend time on my interests, rather than spending some moments with her.

By the time we got engaged, I had more than 2 dozens of posts to be published. I chose to let them be in drafts, as they may give a wrong opinion on my better-half.
I have had the hobby and habit of observing people and comprehending/commenting them either orally or by pen. Though I blog with someone in mind, the topics are as such that they paint nonexistent negative shades to my wife.

Hence I choose to be on a Blogging Holiday.... :)
Not sure how long, but for quite some time, till I have ample time in my life for life.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Criticism

No one likes Criticism.

Some runaway, afraid of being noticed and spotted.

Some just ignore, for playing it safe.

Some welcome it, to strive for betterment of themselves.


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My friend today posted on FB

"A real man never hurts a woman!! Be very careful when you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears.

The woman came out of a mans rib, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal!

Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.
(Copy and paste if you agree)
"


I replied

"BULLSHIT...! r u trying to be a feminist or r u in a femine-famine?

We all care for our near and dear, irrespective of the gender... A man cares to his woman similar to how a woman cares her man.

Tears count if they are coming from the heart, no matter it is male/female, rich/poor..."


He immediately deleted my comment. He retained the 'likes' for that message.

The moment I was about to post my reply on my wall, he removed his post.

Funny, that people preserve only the 'likes', but are afraid of the disagreements. And when they are not open for discussions and debates, why be on a social-networking site....?


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Saturday, January 29, 2011

నేను, నా ఈ జీవితం....

నా మరదలు రాసిన కవిత ఆధారంగా రాసిన ఊహా గానం ఇది...
చెత్తలో చిత్తుకాగితాలు ఏరుకునే ఒక చిన్న పిల్ల ఆలోచనలు...
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నేను, నా ఈ జీవితం....
ఎప్పుడు పుట్టానో తెలీదు, ఎవరికి పుట్టానో తెలీదు..
ఎక్కడ పుట్టానో తెలీదు, ఎందుకు పుట్టానో తెలీదు....

నీడనిచ్చే చెట్టే తల్లిలా అనిపిస్తోంది
తోడు నడిచే చీకటే తండ్రిలా లాలిస్తోంది
చమట చుక్కలు స్నేహితుల్లా పలకరిస్తే, గాలి వాన చుట్టాల్లాగా చూసి వెళ్ళిపోతున్నాయి...

వ్యర్ధమైన నా ఈ జీవితం ఈ వ్యర్ధం పోగుచేయడానికే అంకితం అన్నట్టుంది....
దుమ్ముధూళితో నిండి, నిరాశ నిస్పృహలతో కొట్టుమిట్టాడుతోంది...
గత జన్మ శాపమో ఈ జన్మ పాపమో అనిపిస్తోంది...
నేను నా ఈ జీవితం.... చిత్తుకాగితాలతో మొదలై చెత్తకుప్పలోనే అంతమవుతుందేమో....!!

నా చెత్త జీవితంలో నేను జాలిపడే చెత్త పిల్లోడు.... సూరీడు
ప్రతి రోజు సూరీడోస్తాడు వెళ్తాడు... ఎక్కడినుంచి వస్తాడో ఎక్కడికెళ్ళి పోతాడో ...??
నా ఆకలి నిద్ర లాగే... పాపం సూరిడిని కూడా అడిగే వాళ్ళు ఎవరు లేరేమో....
ఒకే కుప్ప నుంచి చెత్తనేరుకునే నాకుమల్లే ప్రతిరోజు ఈ పక్క నుంచి ఆ పక్కకి పోతాడు...
ఆకలేస్తే అక్కడో ఇక్కడో చెత్తలోనే తిండి దొరుకుద్ది నాకు... సూరీడికి తిండెట్టాగో ...
ఎప్పుడైనా ఓ సారి గుడ్డ ముక్క దొరుకుద్ది నాకు... ఎండలో పాపం సూరీడికి నీడెట్టాగో...
నాకు దాహమేస్తే ఏ కోళాయో, దురదలేస్తే ఒళ్ళు రుద్దుకోడానికి కాలవో ఉన్నాయి... పాపం సూరీడికి వానొస్తేనే గదా...
కుక్కలు తరుముకుంటే నేను పరిగెత్తి పారిపోతా... పాపం సూరీడు, మబ్బులు తరుముకున్నా ఏడికీ పోడు...

చెత్తకూడా తెచ్చిపెట్టలేని ఈ సూరీడి గురించి ఆలోచిస్తున్నాను నేను, చెత్తగా...
ఇంకొంచెం చెత్త పోగేస్తే రొట్టెముక్క తిని టీనీళ్ళు తాగచ్చు ఈరోజు...
ఏంటో, నేను, నా ఈ జీవితం.... చిత్తుకాగితాలతో మొదలై చెత్తకుప్పలోనే అంతమవుతుందేమో....!!

Monday, January 10, 2011

My Job……Choice or Destiny….?

There were only two reasons of me being in my previous organization for three long years, the latter half being very painful – ambition and destiny.

I appeared for the off-campus selections of the same organization, six years before, when I couldn't pass one section of the written-test. While I was felling bad that I’ll miss the moments of appearing in front of a panel for interview, along with my friends, I couldn't stand there a moment looking at my friends.
I tried one chance, and asked one of its employees, if I had any chance to give an interview and that I was very confidant of getting through. He said "you've to qualify all rounds of the written test. If fail one section, its not going to help even if you get 98% of others". He was just an employee. What can he do, if its rules were so?
I thanked his response with a half-hearted smile and turned away.

May be, many of my friends were surprised that I dint qualify or that one competitor was gone, everyone were making faces at me. Some were murmuring at my back, and others headed directly to me and asked different questions -
"how can u fail the synonyms/antonyms section, when you could win the essay-writing competitions at college?"
"I can't believe you scored so much in aptitude, while you've failed in English"
"Are you the one who used to teach English to others..? Thank God, I'm not among them...!"
I couldn't even have a pleasant lunch, and retired from the venue after eating half.

I returned to my hostel accommodation and watched a movie. When I called my dad's phone, he assured that its just a stepping-stone and that I should learn from today's mishap.
When I woke up from the sleep that evening, I knew that one day I’m going to work for this company. I’ll be there and I’ll make everyone remember that I was there.

Later I enrolled for post-graduation, and it was the first organization coming for campus interviews, four years before today. It was very easy getting a selection in to it.
Though I had my own choice of work and domain, which I may and may not have a chance to get into, I made my decision to join this organization and attend the training. It wasn’t because the market was down for the domain of my interest, but because I had a strong belief that my employer will stick to the words “Right People, Right Place & Right Time”.

While I believed that I'd be put in the VLSI & Embedded division @ Bangalore, where I was promised to be destined to; I was posted to Hyderabad, and asked to work on telecom software services. Though I had appreciations for my work while I was a trainee in the same firm, I didn't know that inter-personal relations play a significant role than the contribution. Like fate and destiny always play over work, worth and wrath; the company policies, requirements and decisions always override the achievement, aspiration and ambition of the employees. I was told that I should be ready to relocate in case of any urgent requirement.

For a few months I kept cribbing that I wasn’t given the location, domain and work of my preference. I kept attending interviews for all the relevant jobs. When I learnt that I've screwed the second round of an interview given to seventh company, I couldn't hold my tears. మోర్ than the fact that I lost the interview, it was an agonizing pain that my chances to get back to the specialization of post-graduation were fading-off into mirages. Something which I've worked from scratch to comfort, was going waste.

One day while watching National Geographic Channel, I realized that the challenge in nature is not to migrate to a distant land every time you face a problem, but to live there, sustain and evolve with it. I thought the same applies at my work place. The next day was the first when I’ve really put my head into anything happening in my project, after 6 months of joining the same. When I can't get the job of my dream, then I've to excel at what I have. That day I set targets for myself, in this career.

I was lousy till that time, but started learning slowly. Though I was no quick leaner, I was satisfied with my pace, even if my team wasn't. The next two years, I spent doing anything and everything I could, only for marking an impression in my career, though I expected an on site opportunity out of it. Everyone around me knew the fact, that it was my only driving force at work.

Almost three years I spent craving for the moment when I can choose, instead of being chosen. When I learnt that things are not moving anywhere in my previous job, I finally decided to change my job, after six months of self-debating. It took me one month to attend seven interviews and grab five offers out of them.

I was tired of being chosen, and badly wanted to be the one who chooses. It was wicked pleasure when I've declined the first offer, after 3 years of employment. The second offer that I've declined, I was very much like best-match for the role, and they've contacted me numerous times for convincing me into it. But I've already taken my decision to join this company, in a place where I wanted to be, since the last five years, Bangalore.

After two months in this job, the last week, I was laying on the beach, looking at the moon in dark sky, speaking to my roomie and colleague. I told him that I feel like quitting my current job and finding one that suits my interests and capabilities.

He looked directly into my eyes and said "you need not answer me, but be answerable to yourself. Do you have a legitimate answer for you to quit this job? Is it because you are not interested, or is it because you are afraid of it? If it is the first, then I'm with you. Or if it is the latter, then this would be your first step down the ladder. I know that you had many choices when you've joined this organization. If you've chosen it from four others offers, then there is a reason why you did so. You were destined here, and hence you did so. Life is not running away from difficulties, but stand your ground and face the tides. Do not be afraid that this job doesn't allow you any personal time. Instead, try learning how to evolve, creating some personal space in your professional life also, as you've reserved a room for your profession in your personal life. And remember always, that professional pursuits are just temporary and forever stays only your personal life".

I was too impressed with his wisdom. I dint even thank him for his advise.
I think he'd be happy if I take it and put it into action.

My dad recently said, "you'll never get job-satisfaction unless you learn to be satisfied with what you have. My job has turned quite uninteresting since the last five years. I've been in it for over thirty years and I don't have the faintest thought of quitting it. One has to pursue his dreams, while still running on the land. If your dreams are in the skies, better limit them to dreams, and live in reality. Being in a position to choose is good, but wanting to choose because of that position, and leaving the possession is poor discretion".

Only recently I've started learning what life is....!

Men and Women

Every time I hear someone saying "girl is God's best creation", "women rule the world"....I go bonkers.
What the hell!!

I find it quite irresistible to refrain myself from a debate on 'Supremacy of Gender'.
I start the debate, convincing the audience that both genders are supreme in their own way, and proceed to eventually conclude that both are equal as a whole. The beaters drive me crazy with their unsupported and junk statements, that I finally end-up arguing that male are talented than the fair-sex...

Years before, I received an email sent to entire batch by a girl, who is in fact intelligent and a good friend of mine. It portrayed that all boys are dumb not to really care for girls who are genius and great. Though I respect talent, care for girls I know and never derogated any girl, I somehow felt offended and shot the following reply:
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Agreed :-)
GENIUS !

"All that glitters is not Gold"
I think man is like Sun, though he is hot, he is hot for a reason.... to keep the family warm and to enlighten the surrounding people...
He stays on his feet and is the same always, no matter whatever happens.....
Even after a thousand decades, he is in the same place and giving out the heat and light with the same intensity....

I feel women are like Earth, who take the warmth of Sun, revolve around him, but still are close to him only some times and move very distant some other time....
They are complex with land and water..... not only with mountains and valleys on the land, but also having deep oceans and shallow waters.....
They think that they give birth to all the life, but ignore the fact that there is no life without the heat and light....
They rotate around themselves and when they are not facing the Sun, they complain that the Sun is stealing faces from them and not caring....
They look at the moon who rotates round them and say that the moonlight is cooling and lovely unlike the sunlight which burns and sweats.....

There is a saying "People tremble when they are not confident of what they say......
If men do want to understand, easy to say, hard to understand....
".
I guess that explains....

There is a saying "opportunity never comes, you've to create it".
I guess the person who quoted it forgot to mention that women are an exemption....
If they ever seem indignant to anything/anyone it means that they are awaiting some response or working on creating an opportunity..... Men don't escape from anything.....
Man thinks and attributes a lovely role to any/every female in his life as mother/sister/wife/daughter/friend; understands and supports them while trying to strengthen their minds and resolve their conflict...... Woman always thinks that a man, no matter who ever it is : father/brother/husband/son, is always dominating......
anything/everything he does is wrong....
anytime/all time he doesn't care for her...

I completely agree with the person who said "if you are missing a girl, you are missing something.... otherwise, you are missing everything else..."
If I ever go to Heaven, I'll plead God to give that wisdom to all men...
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Now, when I read my reply to her email, I feel that I was rather provoked with her's.
While men instantly burp something, when played with their ego, they don't hold any hard feelings. It is only for the moment and later everything is back to normal.
It doesn't take too long for a man to apologize, if he finds that he was wrong or even if both were equally wrong. Women are far more Egoistic compared to men.

So far in my life, I've not seen more than a few women who've apologized with even faintest feeling of guilt or realization, for something they've screwed-up with their thoughtless actions.
There are exceptions for anything and everything, though.
I'm not generalizing. I'm not taking example of a single person or my own experiences.

I'm speaking about science itself, which says that female brain has far slower response than a male. A female brain can work on multiple things at-a-time, though justice is not done to any of them. Where as, a male brain works with one thing at-a-time, with full concentration.

If ever a man's brain is not working straight, it is because his heart is overpowering it.
If ever a woman's brain is working straight, it is because there is a man's brain it is trying to compete with.

No offense meant, dear ladies.... Facts are facts...!!!
:-) :-) :-)

Boss........ Gimme a break!

Following is somthing I blogged an year before.
.....only that I'm publishing it now...
Few of my perceptions have changed.
.....I've evolved a little and I've also become hard.
Few of the people in it have changed.
.....some have tamed themselves and some have become even rigid...

Nevertheless, these are words of my heart, which only a few near and dear could hear, in my actions and frustated looks.........
Many people told me to try learning demarcating professional and personal life.........
Some have advised me to change my work place...my role, my job and if possible my profession.....!
I've switched my job, which was major contributor to my physical and mental headaches... and I'm due in course of learning gymnastics of life-work balance....
Thanks to friends and family, who have endured me in bad moods and disappointing companionship.... without you guys, I'd now be in a mental asylum.

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“You don’t do anything in that system. You don’t know about that. Some one else will take care.”
“Have you any imagination of how the situation on site is?”
“You don’t understand the magnitude of the impact, nor do you understand the nature.”
“It’s a nice experience to be at the client.”

Come on guys… give me a break!

If you think that I’m not fit for doing something, teach me how to do it. Just because you’ve learnt it the hard-way, should everyone else do the same? Others may, may be out of interest or coz of their zest to learn and experiment new ways or to bang impression.
If a person has none of these factors that can inspire him doing the job, then he would obviously end-up doing nothing. If you can inspire him the way he receives, do that….else you teach him how to do that and what’s its significance in the client’s business and in-turn ours. It’s not just enough to keep bugging that he should do and keep doing more.

Agreed that there are reference-manuals for everything, but there are a hell lot of things which are learnt at run-time. Experiences are rare and not always repetitive. You can’t expect someone to read some documents and gain the same expertise than listening to a person who had hands-on experience on the same work for quite a while.

If you think that I’m not fit for being on site and dealing with the client, then I’m not even fit for sitting off-shore and doing anything that would impact his business. Some convey their interests verbally and some convey the same through their work and actions. When you read the language and are extracting the maximum out of someone, while that person banks on getting something in return; doesn’t this hide-n-seek end one day or the other?

Hiding the facts is as good as baiting. If the fish in a pond realize that the bait has a hidden hook, they will eat only algae and see weeds, and stop getting trapped; there is no way the fisherman can complain on them. Just because the fish are in the pond underneath doesn’t mean that they should always fall for his traits.

On the day when the donkey realizes that it has to carry loads of salt across the stream only to get beaten-up in the evening for tampering the floor with its muddy feet, it will eventually take a bath in the stream and deliver the empty salt-bags. Is it the mistake of the donkey for not being honest or is it the mistake of the master for blaming its untidiness after making it walk the muddy-bank with the load on its back?

.................

“Your leave….let me check once again and confirm. Anyway it is only tomorrow!”

I really don’t understand till date, how the hell someone can make such a statement. Either your boss is bossing on you, doesn’t want to grant you a leave or just taking an example of a sadist boss he/she possibly ever had. Would the boss be in a position to plan a travel if he/she were in such a position? Possibly not and probably won’t.

“If I don’t approve your leave, you’ll have a loss-of-pay.”

I was utterly shocked to hear this from one of my bosses. Was it to make me understand that one should always communicate anything and everything to his boss? It sounded to me just that I had a boss and have to obey whatever is his/her instruction, cater to his interests and ask nothing in return.

On yet another situation where-in I was about to travel to home that weekend, I was told “...we’ll have a meeting with your lead and decide whether you can take leave….” by some person who voluntarily declared that I should report to him. I dint try finding out if he was trying to be over-proactive in getting done something over-night or if my boss was trying to indirectly ask me to cancel my leave and stay-back to work over the weekend.

Everyone has a factor that satisfies him. Whether you satisfy that factor, probe him to do something that helps gain satisfaction, or otherwise get him out of the race. When you know very well that a horse is blind and deaf, then there is no point putting it in a race; and later on whipping it for not winning the race.

One time someone coordinating me told “You have been working on this for the last two days, without a way out. I think you should take help someone who knows to code. I’m no expert in coding or otherwise I’d have done it.”
Yes my boss….! That’s what I’ve been asking for a long time. If you know very well that I’m leading you nowhere, why ride the same horse? Go and get a new horse, with the same color, fitness and pace you are in search of. Or if you want me to learn it overnight and finish the job, while I’m doing other things as well, then why cant you do the same? When you can give so much of an advice to someone, can’t you think if the same applies to you?

I don’t suppose that a boss ever has the right to ask his subordinates to work over-time or on weekends if he/she promptly asks them to appear in office by 9:00. Also if the boss wishes to get the work done by the End-of-Day, first-of-the-first EOD should be defined. Also the work should be entrusted before a considerable time, as they are also human but not a computer. If the boss expects the work to be done on a fly, then probably the work should be entrusted to the subordinate after three or four years, when the subordinate steps in his own shows.

So far, I've served four bosses directly.... and another four indirectly....
It was never the same, as with the other.
Some were extremely supporting/guiding/helping and others were exactly the opposite.
While some were quantitative not only in the quantiy of work they load, but also appraising the job..... others were so unrewarding for anything that was done...

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I read somewhere - "People leave managers not companies".
I do not need to comment on it. Everyone who knew me for the last 4 years, and how I've changed in these years, good or bad, know it very well.

I've worked for an organization for 3 years, with only one thing wishing in return - an opportunity too work on site, with the client. When I finally realized that I was becoming a piece of commedy for everyone around, realizing how well the organization is making use of me, I couldn't stand any longer. Though I knew very well that I was killing the golden-goose to free myself from this prison, I chose to live the life of a happy beggar, than living a troubled king on a stack of golden eggs in a prison.

My only intention penning these words is not to criticize anyone. I know very well that even after proper feedback they do not intend to change. And I do not expect any changes with some words written in a blog, by someone who doesn't matter anything to them.

My only hope is to urge everyone not to be hard and harsh on someone.
Today it is someone. Tomorrow, it can be yourself.

Friday, September 10, 2010

A Fish in Hell

I opened my eyes in water, to see light that was also dancing along with waves.
Natural instincts guided me to swim across all the similar looking fish, towards the light.

I noticed a fish which was swimming towards me. Though it was a red-fish like many others, it was agressively swimming. Being afraid, I lost control and bumped so hard into a glass wall, that my eyes whirled for a while. Quickly I gained strength and swam opposite way only to find that the same fish was coming towards me yet again.

After bumping into a glass, yet another time, I realized that this fish was doing exactly opposit to what I did. It would turn to left, if I turned to my right. I have a black-spot on the right of my tail and it had one on its left. But if I swim up, it also swims up. And it will also swim downwards, if I do so. I was getting tired of this mysterious fish, whom I can see, but cannot reach.


After a while, a black-fish approached me. Laughing at me, he told that I'm looking at my own image. He advised me not to run away from it, nor to try discovering it.
Image.....! What a wonder!
It's there, but it is not.It's myself, but it is not.


There were many aquariums of various sizes with fish of different color, shape and size. Our aquarum was in one corner of the shop. Among a hudred of my kind, I'm the only red-fish with a black spot on my tail. Our aquarium also contained gold-spot and black-fish. It was the most crowded in the entire shop. One end of our neighbourhood had blue-hay, royal-white and dragon-yellow. The other end of shop had black-and-white, silver-majestic, mini-shark, king-snail and turtles.


The shop-keeper gives only a little feed, to keep us small and in good shape with the excersize of fighiting for the feed. He lits only one of the three lamps in the shop and everytime lits a different one.

On our third day, we were already done with observing all corners of shop, other kinds of fish, the tired shop-keeper and never-tiring ceiling-fan.We named our aquarium 'Hell'.


Every time a bike stops in front of the shop, the shop-keeper nets few of us and packs them in a plastic-cover. He doesn't show a pinch of love to us, atleast while selling, than that he shows to the money he gets.


Once there were a couple of kids - a small mischevous girl and a boy with chubby cheeks. I was swimming under the artificial plantation, and the shop-keeper caught ten fish from Hell into a plastic cover. The girl bounced the packet into air, and as it landed on a nail, it burst to spray the fish into all corners of the shop. Two fish which lost their breath, were fed to the Giant fish.Others were saved with minor bruises and packed into another plastic-cover. I mourned for my dead friends; and for those who are dead any moment the girl goes wild.


The next time a rookie came in a bike, along with his girl-friend. As the shop-keeper started netting Hell, I recollected they were the same couple who've forgot the package of blue-fish, a week ago. I doubted wether they'll ever bother about the 'Hell' in their home. I've escaped the net and felt satisfied that I've escaped a mishap. I was surprized to find myself prefer Hell over their home.


The next day, a couple came with a small baby in lap. The mother was so caring not to allow a fly to land on her baby. And the father was looking equally caring. As the shop-keeper put the net into Hell, I rushed into it but he never traps. Twice when I was finally in the trap, he tossed me back to Hell. Finally some black-fish, few blue-hay and gold-spot were packed for them. I felt bad for missing such family, but they were not there in my fate.


In a corner of the Hell, I was brooding over the future I've missed in the house of such soft people. I realized that I was being pulled out of 'Hell', and packed into a plastic-cover. It was already too late for me to resist. A group of boys were interestingly looking at four of my kind in the package. One of them carefully carried the package to his bike.


The first view of road from a bike was exquisite. The ride on a bike was very thirlling. Hiking the steps, bouncing into the air and rolling on the floor from inside the package were nice experiences.


Our package was opened to pour us into an aquarium already hosting fifteen fish of seven different kind. For few days we were freshers and were dominated by those who were already there. Weeks later we were also officially crowned the citizenship of our aquarium, 'Home'.


One of the boys used to feed us twice a day. And every one who takes a moment to look into Home tosses few pellettes of feed. There used to be change in feed every month. And along with it, change of water after cleaning the Home.


As days went by, the boys grew up. They moved out and new boys started moving in. Also, the fish in Home had their time. Those fish who passwed away initially were given royal saluit on their final voyage. Those following them later, hardly recieved any such respects. Only one couple bred, and even their babies are dead. Now i'm the only fish in the tank.


One of the boys used to clean the tank on every weekend and fill it with fresh water. Now he hardly cleans it once a couple-of-months and rarely refills the evaporated water. As Home is becoming green with algae, he put a couple of snails.


I've grown about hundred times, than what I was on first day in Home. The snails too have grown old. They are not of my kind, but we are the only company around. Having nothing to do, nowhere to go, we three wander the shallow waters of Home...


Even now one boy feeds me twice a day. He loves me so much, that talks to me when he is alone. He pities me for being so lonely, like him. It is almost a month that I've seen him. May be he too moved out of their home.


Sometimes, I wish, I could have resisted from getting into that packet. My life could have been different, from this Home. Or, it might have been the same.............. in yet another 'Home'.


But, I cannot reverse the irreversible. Whatever is done, cannot be undone.
I have to live with it for rest of my life.


I'm a fish in a tank..................a lonely fish in the little tank.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Rakhi....

Rakhi is a band tied by a sister to remind her brother the bond of love and his responsibility to guard her throughout their life. As a token of love, he would treat her with sweets and presents. This festival is widely celebrated in northern India, though the tradition has been practiced in the south too, for gathering brothers and sisters for celebrating their affections.

Today I received an envelope with a pretty Rakhi and a letter with priceless words
"
Hi Annaya,

Wish you Happy RAKSHABANDHAN.....
Hope this Rakhi brings happiness and care for you.
'Friends come and go, but my dear brother, u r ALWAYS there' :-)
Koni
Please tie this on Aug 24th (on behalf of me :-) )
"

Getting a Rakhi from her is a routine. But this year is so different.
I’m not in college to be thinking of classes and exams. Today my office is also not working, for being engrossed with work. It is not summer or a rainy day, to be lost in chores.
Also, there is no one around to tie the Rakhi on my sister’s behalf.
After I tied the tied it myself, and offered prayers after many months, memories reeled on.

As she was my junior ever since school, she had to take the text-books I’ve read for an academic year. I maintained them tidy, though I used to underline here-n-there, scribble notes and scrap many unimportant junk, she'd never complained.
I'm not sure how far were my text-books and short-notes useful for her, but she always used to retain my name on them. Whether she felt strong or she wasn’t left with a choice, my sister used to follow my path. We enrolled in different universities for graduation and though the specialization was the same, the syllabus and prescribed reading was different.
Just same as I used to write her name on all my books, my sister also used to write my name on all her stationery. I hold the credit of giving her the name 'Konica', with my unclear mumblings at just age of an year-and-a-half. She loves that name as much as I do. ‘Konica’ means smile and happiness, and she always brings happiness to me.

Since graduation, there was hardly anything I could do for her, rather, I was capable of doing for her. She bagged a job, while I was still pursuing my higher education. While she wanted to do her M.B.A, she settled for a job, as per the advice of parents. She is a smart and sensible lady, who certainly is a pride for our family. While I was always the irresponsible and rude brat, she played the calm and composed princess.

While we were in primary school, at the least, once a week, I had to run around the streets of our colony to all her buddies' homes to find her. She was always there to help me out when I wanted someone to judge my decision. She will pull me to earth, when I’m wandering in dreamland and getting lost with unrealistic thoughts.
Anyone who knows us for the past decade would certainly say that my sister was always elder to me in wisdom, success and responsibility. For the last five years, she has been mending my thought process when I step off the track.

In our childhood if there was deficit in rendering change to the vegetable vendor, my mom would take it from one of our kiddy-bank. While I never used to ask it to be refilled, she always asked for a compensation along with interest. Such a calculative girl bought me a geometry-box, when I lost mine in eighth standard, but doesn’t even remember it. She was good in planning her financials and future, even as a kid. While I fiddled around with stupid decisions and hasty moves, she always followed the golden rules of parents for her certain success.

Around the same time, when there was a discussion at my grand-parents' place, of whom we love most in this world, I remember everyone staying perplexed with whom I've mentioned. When I got up from my mom's lap, while she was expecting herself to be mentioned, I declared that its' my sis. I'm sure that my love to her was restricted to only words and letters. Though she never made such statements to anyone, it is quite evident that she cares and adores me thousand fold more.

There are many instances when I've let go of her, giving preference for my friends over her. When we have a fight over some silly issue, I'd end up not letting her number be in my dialed-list for a month. Unlike with my friends, I've hardly ever compromised with her, though she forgives my thick-head in every instance.

Whenever I was angry on something, I used to yell at my sister. She used to convey my concerns to parents, but never complained. It was the day before her marriage, that I’ve promised that I’d never again yell at her, no matter whatever happens. That was the day when I thought that I should stop trying to convince her on something, by just raising my brow and tone. Whom was I kidding..? Every such instance was either my ego or an attempt to gain an upper hand to win an argument.

People say that responsibility comes after getting married, but my sister was a lot more even before. She is pretty decently settled in life with a caring husband and a good job. Now she and my brother-in-law advise me advise me anything I discuss with them. They are at my reach anytime required. They call hardly once in a week, but care for me more than I do.

She is my baby sister for names’ sake, but she has been taking care of myself as if I were her baby brother. I’m elder to her in age, education, height and weight. One day I might win hearts of more friends and family, earn more than her, but I’m sure I’d never be able to comprehend her love.

I couldn't reach her mobile phone today.
Happy Rakhi, my dear sis!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

పిచుక (The Indian Sparrow)



నాకంటా పెద్ద కతల్లేవుగాని, తెలుగింట నేను తెలీనోడు లేడయ్యో.....
ముష్తోడి కాడ్నుంచి రాజు దంక, కూలోడి కాడ్నుంచి రైతు దంక
పాములోడ్నించి యాటగాడి దంక, పిల్లకాయల్నించి పండుముసలి దంక
అందరికీ నేనేరికనే.....

కోయిలమ్మంత పాడలేక పోయినా,
చిలకమ్మంత చక్కంగ లేకపోయినా,
పాలపిట్టంత సొగసు లేకున్నా,
ఉడుతంత చెంగుచెంగున గెంతలేకున్నా,
........ఆళ్ళoత నా నేస్తాలే !

పిల్లిబావకి ఒళ్ళుమంట, నా గూట్లో గుడ్లు వాడికందవని,
కోడి మావకి కడుపుమంట, వరికొట్టం చూరులో నేనొక్కటే పడతనని
బాతుబాబుకి కుళ్ళు, నాలా ఎగరలేడని
..........ఎందుకంత కోపం ?

చిట్టిదాన్నైనా, చిలిపి దాన్ని......మట్టిరంగులో ఉన్నా, మనసున్నదాన్ని !
మేకపిల్లలపై షికార్లు, చిటారుకొమ్మపై కున్డుడుగుమ్మలు, నీళ్ళ గుంటల్లో స్నానాలు........నా ఆనందాలు.
ఏటిగట్టున మేస్తున్న దున్నపోతు మీదున్న నత్తగుల్లలు తింటూ మారాజులా ఊరేగుతను.

పిచ్చికపై బ్రహ్మాస్త్రం ఏంటని సామెతంట !
ఇందరుడెప్పుడు నాపైన ఇసిరిండో గుర్తులేదుగాని
పాలకంకుల జొన్నచేలో పాలేరిసిరిన ఒడిసె,
ఒడియాలకి కాపలా పిల్లాడిసిరిన రాయి నన్ను తగల్లేదు
యాటగాడేసిన వల్లో పడ్డనుగాని ఎలకన్న ఇడిపించిండు

రాజ్యాలు మారినై....ఋతువులు మారినై....
ఎండోచ్చినా, వానొచ్చినా, వరదొచ్చినా సమత్సరాలు బతికేసినాను ఆ రోజుల్లో....
కరువోచ్చినా కాటకమోచ్చినా రైతన్న ఉండేవోడు
గూటికోసం చెట్టో మానో.... కూటికోసం గింజో గారికో ఉండేది.....
ఏటికోసారి ఏడికైన పోదామంటే... ఏటిగట్టున యిసకదిబ్బో , అడివిచివర మర్రిమానో, కొండమీద కోయగుహలో ఉండనే ఉండె....

తిండి గింజల్లేవు....అంత కరవులాయే
గడ్డి పోచల్లేవు......అన్నీ ప్లాస్టీకు కవర్లే మరి
మట్టి వాసన రానే రాదు.......అంతా బండలే మరి
కళ్ళాపి ముగ్గులు కానరావు......అంతా తార్రోడ్లే మరి
పల్లెటూళ్ళు లేవు......అన్నీ పట్నలే మరి
కొట్టాల్లేవు, వాసాల్లేవు, గడ్డివాముల్లేవు,తాటిచెట్లూ లేవు......గూడే లేదు నాకు, ఉండేదేక్కడ !
పొలాల్లో పురుగులు గాదు గింజలుగూడ లేవాయే......
మిగులు నూకలు ఇసిరేసేదెవురు, మనుషులకే ముద్ద లేదాయె......
అడివిగింజలైన తిందామంటే, అడివిగాదు ఆకుగూడ కానరాదాయే.......కూడే లేదు నాకు, బతికేదిoకెట్ట !

పిల్లకాయల పుస్తకాల్లో బొమ్మలున్నై నాయి......పెద్దాళ్ళ మనసుల్లో గాపకలున్నై నాయి.
నేనేదో చిట్టిదాన్ని, ఒంటరిదాన్ని, చేతకాని దాన్ని......పెద్దోళ్ళు మీరు, ఒకరికి ఒందమంది ఉన్నరు, చేతనైన చవగలిగినోల్లు......
మీరైన ఈ నేలతల్లిని కాయదండయ్య......
ఎన్నాళ్లున్తనో ఏరికలేదుగాని, అంతా చల్లన్గుంటేగాని నా కంటికి కునుక !

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Eagle and The Sparrow

Nature teaches many things everyday and it helps to realize your forgotten-wisdom. Being so near to the nature and becoming a part of it really evokes your senses to life.

There is a lake in Taipa, which I like very much. It is encircled by casinos, House-Museum, a basket-ball court, a park and some wild-bushes. The park spread between the Museum and the lake is lined with wooden-benches each accompanied with a tree and pathways for jogging.

One evening, there were many people in the park. Some couples were photographing each other and some other was playing with their children. At a distance, there was an elderly couple, who were starting in the empty-air hand-in-hand, probably visualizing their youthful memories. A kid was trying to chase was plucking flowers from the garden and then a dry-leaf being sweet away by the cool breeze. When he fell down, his mother came running and carried back to her husband.

Bearing no flower, lotus leaves spread across the lake, with frogs jumping on them occasionally. A jungle duck was floating with the waves. It ducked-in when the ripple was low and swallowed a little fish in a single gulp.

It is refreshing & rejuvenating to listen to water-ripples, rolling dry-leaves, kukus and laughing babies at a time. I sat on a bench on lake-front and was relishing the 5-Star chocolate, while watching bird-life nesting on the bushes alongside. Majority were white-cranes with a few numbers of pigeon and sparrow.

From no-where, there came a brown-eagle which rounded the lake twice, in less than five minutes. A sparrow (or some small bird of that kind) started following this eagle. While the eagle was swiftly gliding in the air with its wide wings, the sparrow was trying hard to catch-up by fluttering its tiny arms. When the eagle took a great lead in two big strokes, the sparrow was left far away. The sparrow returned to the nest. There were similar birds in the neighboring nests and all but one paid no attention. Probably, they are its parents.

The daylight started trailing-off with the disappearing Sun, but my mind and heart were just lit for working better.

Once in college-days, I was very inspired with the acts of a movie-actor and trying to mimic him, I tried to jump across a pavement-divider in a brisk leap. I’ve almost jumped, but my energy and velocity wasn’t enough for jumping over. My foot got hooked to the divider and I fell down. I laughed, along with my friend, at my childish miscalculation of attempting a jump with no run-up at all.

After starting to earn, one day when all my roomies left me alone for their office-event, I spent fifteen hundreds on an expensive meal. I ate all the varieties I love, ranging from mushroom to panneer and from chicken to prawn. I’ve not only troubled my tummy, but also emptied my wallet. I learnt that inflow should be proportionate to the outflow and activity. And, by the next month I learnt that my expenses should also be proportionate to my income.

Wisdom comes with experience. Though we get to know from multiple sources, few things are learnt only when one faces them in reality. Some lessons are learnt at a cost, may that be time, money or even a relation. Unless we try we'll not be able to know our capabilities.

For the good or bad, the little sparrow could learn the truth by its voyage. It was very courageous and daring to fly on the waters, not even knowing how far it can fly & for how long. Yet it had to pursue its will, or will never in its life be peaceful. Though satisfaction is a feeling felt only by saints and the eternal, and read only in literature, the little bird will at least be answerable to its own heart.

I'm very grateful to my parents who permitted me for pursuit of my instincts for nature, travel and friends, than restricting me to monotony. They let me choose my options in life, under their guidance and support. I know people who obeyed to their parent's decision decades before, and after living with their obeisance for half of their life, now complain on their parents who have passed away. Had they had tried listening to their youthful-heart than obeying the wisdom of parents, they won't have to repent now and hurt the hearts of the loving elders.

The sparrow found out that its' destiny is to nest on the bank, and feed its family.
I'm yet to find mine.